Path

Im on Path now...it's a simpler social network than the Giant....know who I mean? It lets you add up to 150 of your closest friends and family, which is all I can bear with right now. I can't sleep but Now it's time to at least try. Www.path.com

Suck it, life.

Why don't I just throw myself onto oncoming traffic or the waves? Oh wait there's a 21st century way of doing that, it's called getting off Facebook.

Sick of Some People

It's finally time to cut people off that I don't need on my friend's list. If I cut you off Facebook, it means 1. I never liked you OR 2. I liked you but you did me wrong OR 3. Your posts are too annoying to keep you as a friend Please don't be offended. This is just my way of saying: FUCK YOU!

Public

Hello, and welcome back to my public blog. If you know what I have gone through for the past few weeks, then you are one of my best friends. If I haven't told you yet, you're probably still my friend or an acquaintance,  BUT please don't ask me or I will cut you off. Just know that I have disappeared into recovery. AVRT (read it, figure it out). It's finally time to free myself of the chains of dependence and trash the ways of Fats (see "My Friend Fats" by Primus).

I am now an addict of Bollywood music (not films), The Boondocks (I can't wait for season 4), and Pinterest. Follow me on that shiznit- It's one thing that makes me happy.

Liberation from Facebook....ahhhhh.

http://pinterest.com/cjarauz/

Poetry

I'm ballin'
I'm ballin'
Every day I'm ballin' but I'm fallin'
Fallin', everyday I'm fallin'
but I'm callin' callin'
Callin'
Callin' on you
I be brawlin', brawlin'
Brawlin' on the court
I be ballin' ballin'
Keeping tags at a short
I will surely sleep well tonight. :)

Last Two Weekends

The last two weekends have been fun: last weekend we went to Six Flags San Antonio with some people who joined the Students Against Depression (SAD) group here at UTMB. We had a lot of fun, and even though getting out of the island was rough because of the rain and the floods, we were able to make it to San Antonio nonetheless, and ride at least five rides with a smaller, more intimate group of people.

This past weekend we played soccer and it was not only fun because we competed and the work out was fun, but also making jokes the entire time made it a worthwhile and hilarious time. I also played the benefit concert, which was pretty fun as well.

Next weekend I'm going to Dallas to watch over my kitty, and to hang out with friends up there. I see the springtime is here, people are going out much more than they did in the winter, and it's a nice time. Now to be productive. Until then, signing off.

Starting to Feel Better

After tragedy and bad luck happen to strike down, one can always rely on the power of emptiness to be "filled back up."

"Roller coaster's gotta come down for it to come back up again."
-String Cheese Incident

After relying on the power of time and reality, I can see that life is really not all that bad, that things tend to happen for the better, and that I really appreciate the pad that I live in right now. I don't want to leave! This is bliss!


Apfel park is my release from it all. I feel so good, and I do NOT want to fuck it up. I saw a one-legged bird who looked like he was at least 60 years old. That thing was UGLY!

Then I happened to see a beatiful white crane come my way, and I felt better.

Good New Turning Point

"...That he not busy being born is busy dying" -Bob Dylan

People always want you to be the person that you are perceived as. They always expect you to do things that you, as yourself, would normally not do. When you don't do it as such, they egg you on until finally you give in to their desires, just so they shut their mouths.

But what you succumb to at that point is the feeding of b.s. that they believe you to be. Honestly, I wish it were not so, but everyone thinks of what others think of themselves. Some more so than others...in fact, if people didn't really care, then they wouldn't be the person they project themselves to be. But what I can say, for myself, is not that I don't care what people think of me, as much as whatever they perceive my image to be, I never take it personally. Here is a quote from the diary of Anne Frank:

"As I’ve told you, what I say is not what I feel, which is why I have a reputation for being a boy-chaser, a flirt, a smart aleck and a reader of romances.  The happy-go-lucky Anne laughs, gives a flippant reply, shrugs her shoulders and pretends she couldn’t care less.  The quiet Anne reacts in just the opposite way."
-Anne Frank's last entry- August 1, 1944

Once again, I'm at a point in my life where my inner self is begging for a change, a rebirth for the better, so as not to just give in to people's perceptions of myself, but rather to....not only project an image of myself as a cold, emotionally distant person, but a happy, peaceful person....but rather to be at peace with oneself, to live life passionately, with no regrets, and with much love for oneself and others that can only be balanced, rather that exaggerated on either side.

We are all in a constrant struggle to evaluate ourselves, sometimes to the point of realizing one's darkest emotional states, for whatever the reason may be. It may be loneliness, isolation, and one's inner voice that is ridiculing, contantly judging, and castigating oneself for making a mistake, for failing at a task, or for things not done.

But what I have to do, for myself, is to stay true to others, to not judge people who they are, and to accept them and welcome them into my life without regrets. And if they use me, cheat me, or plain piss me off for whatever reason, to never take it personally and retaliate, but rather look within and say to myself, "it's them, it's never because of who I am that they do these things"

That, more than anything, makes you realize that life isn't that serious, that it can be looked up in a sort-of cartoonish way, in which situations are more funny than they are dull or standard. That's what keeps me living and that's what I look forward to in the new year.